[ God, she...honestly nearly forgot what she'd done with Chuuta, teasing him like that in front of everyone, the memory mostly overshadowed by what had happened that night. ]
Chuuta wasn't...that wasn't...anything. I mean...yeah, I think he's cute and nice, but I was mostly just...and, we never actually agreed to...it's not like YOU ever totally stopped flirting around, even before-
[ She stops, teeth clenching hard around the words. She drops her head into her hands, smacking herself several times before she dares speak again. Stupid, horrid little girl, is this the TIME- ] No no no, dammit, that isn't...that's not important. Look, I get it, okay?? You're right, I DON'T know what it was like! I can't...I can't imagine how completely horrible and awful it was. I can't even pretend that I could.
But I, I don't know what you wanted from me. The only reason I was able to feel that good at all was because I knew you were here! Because I knew- because I thought you needed me to help you, and I couldn't do that if I was just miserable all the time. I was...trying to prove that it was okay, that I wouldn't be held back anymore. I was trying so, so hard to protect that hope you gave me! And I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry I got carried away a couple times, but that doesn't mean I ever stopped thinking about you!
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[ God, she...honestly nearly forgot what she'd done with Chuuta, teasing him like that in front of everyone, the memory mostly overshadowed by what had happened that night. ]
Chuuta wasn't...that wasn't...anything. I mean...yeah, I think he's cute and nice, but I was mostly just...and, we never actually agreed to...it's not like YOU ever totally stopped flirting around, even before-
[ She stops, teeth clenching hard around the words. She drops her head into her hands, smacking herself several times before she dares speak again. Stupid, horrid little girl, is this the TIME- ] No no no, dammit, that isn't...that's not important. Look, I get it, okay?? You're right, I DON'T know what it was like! I can't...I can't imagine how completely horrible and awful it was. I can't even pretend that I could.
But I, I don't know what you wanted from me. The only reason I was able to feel that good at all was because I knew you were here! Because I knew- because I thought you needed me to help you, and I couldn't do that if I was just miserable all the time. I was...trying to prove that it was okay, that I wouldn't be held back anymore. I was trying so, so hard to protect that hope you gave me! And I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry I got carried away a couple times, but that doesn't mean I ever stopped thinking about you!