petoskeymods | DEADLAND

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deadland

DEADLAND

[Some time after your character dies, they will wake up in their bunk in camp. But something is wrong here, so very wrong.

Venture outside, and you will see that you're still in camp, but it's trapped in a foggy twilight. Time doesn't seem to pass, and it's quiet. Too quiet. No animals, no breeze, nothing.

The only sign of anything living is in the trees, where dozens and dozens of ghostly figures roam. Sometimes they might come into camp, but you'll probably have to go out to meet them if you want to talk to them. They all seem to be watching camp, but are shy and might flicker away if they're approached.

Finally, in the chapel in the lodge, there is a shadowy figure. It looks like a preteen, perhaps? Maybe 11 or 12 or so. But that's about all you can get from it at a glance.

But you're here now, and there are things to do. Where will you start?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...What? No - that's not...

[God that's so off that he reaches to touch her hand.]

Floe, of course I'm happy to see you? Obviously I wish it wasn't here, but... that kinda goes without saying, right?

Yeah, but...it's different. You're acting weird. It's hard to describe...I dunno, maybe it's because of everything that's happened in here? I don't know...what it's been like for you. But you keep...hesitating and, the way you look at me...

It feels like you're mad at me.

....I'm not. You just... I can't explain. It's been really hard, that's all. And I guess it's my fault because I'm the one who died stupidly, so if I'm mad at anyone I'm mad at myself.

How am I supposed to be mad at you for something you didn't even know?

It is NOT your fault for DYING!

[ She doesn't mean to snap it like that, but she does, and she immediately regrets it but it's out there now and she's never been great at quitting while she's ahead so she stupidly keeps talking. ]

Don't...don't say that. Don't ever say that! It shouldn't have happened and it's not your fault! How could it possibly be YOUR fault? If there was something I didn't know then, then I SHOULD have known! I should have tried harder to know. But I didn't try. I've...never really tried. That's my fault, not yours.

[Lance doesn't flinch at her tone. He makes eye contact instead.]

i didn't try hard enough at the trial. Scratch that, I didn't try at all, Floe. And if I had... maybe it'd have been Shirou who was executed instead and you wouldn't be here either.

[He shakes his head.]

I hate that I'm even thinking this. I can't do anything about it anyway. And it was my fault for not telling you anything that first week I died. I just didn't want you to get involved in anything potentially dangerous and [He grits his teeth because fuck it, that's exactly what happeend when he did talk to her and--] ... even that's kind of besides the point, huh.

Edited 2018-07-17 07:19 (UTC)

No, it would have been someone else! If it hadn't been me it would have just been some other person who didn't deserve it and it still wouldn't matter either way! Would you really be okay with that??

And- and seriously, haven't you noticed that we only got this far BECAUSE of the people who died? We wouldn't have any hope at all if you guys hadn't gotten all that information to us. Heck, you- you did way more being dead than I ever did alive. I was too busy moping around when I knew we were running out of time. How can you seriously act like any of that is your fault?

No, I...

[He glances away, looking over at the water.]

Of course I'm not okay with people dying. Am I not allowed to be more upset by you dying than others? [He breathes out, smiling wrly.] I care about you a lot, you know.

And maybe you're right, and none of it is my fault. I just wish things could have been different.

[ She deflates almost immediately when he seems to back down. God, this is exactly why she doesn't like to have serious talks. ]

...of course you're allowed. I, I still wish it had been anyone but you. And of course I wish things were different, too.

But...they're not. This is the way things are. I just hate it...I hate hearing you say it's your fault when I'm the one who came out here to apologize.

[Lance gives her a side glance.]

For what?

A lot of stuff. Stuff I did...stuff I didn't do. I mean, you said you guys can see all over the camp, right? Honestly...I thought you were mad 'cause of Marisa.

[....that genuinely throws him and Lance just isn't quick enough to keep some hurt out of his expression.[

I.. don't know what you did with Marisa.

Oh.

[ Ah, fuck. She winces. It's not like she can just tell him to forget about it either...nice going, idiot, you and your big mouth. ]

Um.

Well, see, the thing is...I kind of. Sort of. Maybe...kissed her. On accident! It wasn't a kiss kiss, she took me flying and I got too happy and I...it's not like I meant it like that, I just wasn't thinking! But...

But. It's a thing that happened. So.

[Lance bites his lip, decidedly looking anywhere but at Floe. The long silence that follows probably does most of the talking there.]

... so that's what happens when you're feeling motivated, huh.

[It's not even an accusation; it's too toneless for that. Just disappointed, maybe. Hurt, definitely.]

[ Since he's not looking at her, he won't get to see her expression twist like she's been slapped. ]

...that's...not fair. You know it wasn't like that- you know I wouldn't have- do you have any idea how many years it's been since I've been grounded for this long?!? I thought I was going to DIE here, without ever feeling that way again!

I KNOW I got carried away. Even if it was just for the flight, I know I lost control and it was dumb, that's why I felt so bad about it! But you- you said you WANTED me to feel better! You said it made you hopeful! You don't get to just, j-just throw that back in my face when I, I...

[And Lance continues not to look at Floe because he knows if he can see her expression, he won't be able to say anything else.]

And that's on top of Chuuta, right? [He breathes out.] ...I'm so jealous, it's not even funny.

[He laughs, sad and bitter.]

You don't know... what it's been like here. When I woke up, it was to Sol screaming about how much they hated us. Sol just disappeared for a week. We couldn't do anything. I thought we were all trapped here forever watching you guys, watching my own body acting ridiculously. And then I got to help stone a little kid to death. Not just anyone -- a kid I considered a friend.

None of us could even speak to Sol until the day before you showed up here. I can't... I just can't even imagine how good you must've felt to just do that. And seriously? Given the choice between watching you be sad and watching you be happy -- even if it was with someone else, of course I'd prefer the latter. I- I'm not .. like that. But it still hurts, ok? It hurts.

Edited 2018-07-17 10:39 (UTC)

Chuuta?

[ God, she...honestly nearly forgot what she'd done with Chuuta, teasing him like that in front of everyone, the memory mostly overshadowed by what had happened that night. ]

Chuuta wasn't...that wasn't...anything. I mean...yeah, I think he's cute and nice, but I was mostly just...and, we never actually agreed to...it's not like YOU ever totally stopped flirting around, even before-

[ She stops, teeth clenching hard around the words. She drops her head into her hands, smacking herself several times before she dares speak again. Stupid, horrid little girl, is this the TIME- ] No no no, dammit, that isn't...that's not important. Look, I get it, okay?? You're right, I DON'T know what it was like! I can't...I can't imagine how completely horrible and awful it was. I can't even pretend that I could.

But I, I don't know what you wanted from me. The only reason I was able to feel that good at all was because I knew you were here! Because I knew- because I thought you needed me to help you, and I couldn't do that if I was just miserable all the time. I was...trying to prove that it was okay, that I wouldn't be held back anymore. I was trying so, so hard to protect that hope you gave me! And I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry I got carried away a couple times, but that doesn't mean I ever stopped thinking about you!

[He looks up at Floe when she starts hitting herself, but what she says keeps him from trying to stop it.]

I did need you! [It's snapped, and saying it so bluntly for the first time seems to drag something out of him. Something he'd been trying not to think about at all.]

I needed a reminder, just as much as you did, that there were reasons not to give up. That there was something still worth fighting for when things looked as bleak as they did! You really think you're the only one who needs that?

[He stops abruptly; he's gone too far. He knows and can't take that back. She's apologizing and--

He drags his hand down his face.]

Sorry. It's just... depressing, you know.

Edited 2018-07-17 17:05 (UTC)

[ Floe looks away, letting his words hang in the air for a moment instead of responding right away. ]

...I didn't mean that I was the only one. That isn't what I meant at all.

[ She draws her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and taking several deep breaths before she tries to say anything else. ]

Just, what...what was I supposed to do? [ Her tone isn't defensive, reactive, or accusatory at all. There's a slightly desperate edge to it instead: it's sincere, genuine confusion. She's practically begging him for an answer. ] I was just...trying to be myself again. Was that wrong? When you talked to me, I thought it was a sign. I thought you were saying that everything would be okay. So I just acted like it would be. I thought that was what you liked about me.

[ ...somehow, that still makes it sound like this is his fault, doesn't it? She doesn't get it, really, honestly doesn't understand, but she doesn't want him to get mad again...no. He doesn't need to answer. She knows what her mistake was, now. ]

...but...it wasn't. I should have figured that out. You didn't want me to be like that at all. You needed me to be more serious about it. This whole time, I should have been...more serious. And I wasn't.

[The brief silence is unbearable for as long as it lasts. The urge to repeat the words 'sorry, I'm so sorry' over and over again intensifies until she finally breaks it.]

I do like you! [That part is blurted out, and then he goes quiet to organize his thoughts. She deserves better than his flailing right now.]

Floe, you're the best thing about camp. You made me think it was going to be okay, you know? Like even if everything else was going to hell, I could still talk to you and we could still find things to laugh about. Even after what happened with... with Clarke and we ended up killing the people she tried to save....it messed me up a lot, but it's because you were there that I wasn't overwhelmed by it, you know? I guess I felt the same as you did and I didn't think you wanted to listen to me talking about the bad things, either.

[He sighs.]

it's just that ever since I've been here, I'm realizing that I can't...keep pretending that I'm not scared. And I don't think I can hide that from you anymore. I want to be able to talk to you. For real, I mean. The good things and the bad.

Edited 2018-07-18 11:34 (UTC)

...

[ She curls in on herself even tighter, forehead pressed against her knees. When she speaks again, her words are small and muffled. ]

It's not like...I thought that you weren't, y'know? Seriously, who wouldn't be scared in a dump like this? It would be way more weird if you weren't. You...you didn't have to pretend for me. I mean...of course I didn't want to talk about it. All the awful stuff going on here...I didn't even wanna think about it.

But I didn't...I never meant to make you feel like we couldn't.

[There's a brief silence and then Lance scoots closer to Floe and cautiously puts his arm around her shoulders.]

... I'm sorry. I should've tried to confide in you more, too, but... I... [He laughs quietly, self deprecating.] ...I really liked you and I wanted you to like me, and... it's so stupid. I've never liked anyone seriously before and... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't really know what I'm doing.

Do you.... do you think we could start again?

[ She doesn't flinch or move away at the touch, but she doesn't lean into it just yet either. Maybe if she stays right here in her little ball of shame she can pretend this conversation never happened...but then again, that attitude was part of the problem in the first place, so maybe not. But her natural instinct in stressful situations is to walk away, and she can't do that here. So she simply freezes up instead. ]

...I really liked you too. You're actually the first guy I've liked who ever just...let me be myself, I guess? You didn't act like I was something better than I was. You didn't mind if I played around or got cozy, you just did it right back. I really, really liked that. I liked it so much that I figured we understood each other. So I just didn't think any harder about it than that.

I don't really...know what I'm doing, either. I've never actually been in a relationship or anything. I know we never made anything official, it was always everybody else who called it that, but...but I just really...like you. I don't know what else to say. Maybe it's dumb to even think about these things in a place like this, but I still...want...I still...I...

[ She can't do this. Something breaks. She turns suddenly, throwing her arms around him with enough speed and force that she risks sending them both toppling over, face buried in his shirt as she struggles to get out the words around the tears. ]

I just like you, okay?! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I didn't understand and I know I was stupid and selfish and I messed it all up but I like you! I don't know what I'm supposed to do but I'm so sorry!

[The way Floe had curled into herself lulls him into a false sense of security that there aren't any sudden movements incoming. The hug catches him thoroughly off guard, and it takes a few seconds before he gets it together enough to just hug her right back, gently resting his head on hers. He missed this, he missed hugging her without a dark cloud over his head and something heavy on his shoulders.]

God, I'm so sorry, too. I should've known better and I didn't. It's kinda uncanny how we're so alike in a lot of ways, I was stupid and selfish, too. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or send you mixed messages or anything. I was wrong and I should've been clearer about how I felt about you... but the situation was weird and it didn't feel right a-and I can't go back and change the past. But that doesn't mean I can't change the present, so...

[He carefully pulls back a little, just enough to see her face and wipe the tears from her cheeks.]

Floe, I really, really like you and no matter what happens here I want to be with you... so... go out with me?

[ Floe fights back the urge to sob while Lance speaks, hands trembling as they gripped almost desperately to the back of his shirt. She sniffles a bit when he pulls back, a few tears still making their way down her face despite his efforts...but his question has her smiling through them, shaky but completely sure of her answer. ]

Yes...yes, of course!

[ And then she's throwing herself forward again; this time, to kiss him with all the determination and affection she can muster. ]

DEADLAND

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